So it’s confirmed. Sex does really start in the kitchen. Some of us ladies have read the book. Most of us just use it as an extremely convenient reminder on dustbin day. But now the smart people have research to prove it. A recent study in London revealed that women found their men more attractive when making a cup of coffee or whipping up a cake than operating a jigsaw. And this isn’t just a matter of opinion, but a real physiological response; the ECG and sucky things on their pulses can prove it!
But in my household this theory was widely accepted, prior to the empirical evidence of some hotshot neurologists in London. The subtle reminder that soap suds turn me on is enough to kickstart a conditional 3-stage response: stage 1: the classic ‘wink-cum-tongue click’; stage 2: confident cowboy swagger to the sink, and; stage 3: smirk which seems to say, ‘Step aside, woman, I got this!'” Regardless of whether the statement is seen as a threat or as an invitation is entirely irrelevant.
So if the holy equation stands – hubby over stove = wifey under covers – why don’t I see my man peeling more potatoes?
Here’s one theory.
In his article entitled The Top 6 Reasons Real Men Don’t Cook, Robert Rosenthal proposes the idea that “men don’t like unfamiliarity”. Most men see recipes like directions on the road: get the basic idea and feel your way to the end. A teaspoon is not a function of measurement, but an implement to stir your tea. A cup is dead obvious. Any clean one will do. For these Indiana Jones- type culinary crusaders, we need to invest in a deep freeze. Fill it with the meat they shot, invest in a good potjie pot and a copy of Jan Braai, and send them on their carnivorous mission. (Jamie Oliver is also a winning option, as he uses manly measurement terms like “glug” and “slap”.)
Of course, you get the the occasional man who approaches a recipe like he would the Gillooly’s interchange: know exactly where you want to go long before you get to the signpost. In his case, take advantage of the supreme craftsmanship and design of Kitchen Frontiers cupboards and spring-back drawers. You’re going to be opening all of them. Take out every *exact* implement noted and line it up next to the recipe stand…in order of appearance. If the recipe has called for fresh basil and you only have dry, forget about it. Open your strategically-placed designer spice drawer and restore the spice bottle to its rightful place. Then get in your car, drive to the shop and buy the fresh basil as requested. (Believe me – it’s just not worth it). Preferably invest in a timer, so that the specified ‘about a minute’ of stirring can be duly clocked and noted. When all preparations have been made and Operation Cook is on, gently remove all small human beings from the working space and pour yourself a congratulatory glass of wine.
So there it is. The all-in-one Kitchen Frontiers experience. Not only do we specialise in custom-design kitchens, built-in bedroom cupboards and vanity units; we throw practical, hands-on marital counseling, free of charge, into the package. If greater intimacy is what you seek, then look no further. Our fool-proof consultation should lure the likes of any amateur omelette maker to the oven. And as he releases the Gordon Ramsay within, don’t be surprised if you start scheming up ways to out-serve him. And that, my friends, is a recipe worth holding onto.